Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
