I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
