she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
