she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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