All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
