i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
