Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just want nice things and good sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
