i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
