Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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