Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
