Welp...herpes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
