saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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