Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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