Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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