Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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