What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MIDGETS
????
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
