we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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