Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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