He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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