Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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