Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
