We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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