you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
