Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
