I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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