This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
