...so i touched it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
