actually, I'm a sock model
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
