it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found a bag of teeth...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My ass is underappreciated
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
