Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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