I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
