my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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