I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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