you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
