So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
