What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
