I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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