I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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