3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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