the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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