just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
