yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
