Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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