You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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