i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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