So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
