She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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