What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
