woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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