I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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