Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
