He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
