Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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