this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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