So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
