I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
