There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
