but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
