i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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