why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sober January is a disaster.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
