So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ttyl tear gas
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
