I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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