im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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