I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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