My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
