Soap is not a condiment
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
