So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
