if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
