I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
