You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
