I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
