Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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