I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
