I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
