Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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