Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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