all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
