i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
