I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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