I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
