I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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