I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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