he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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