I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
