i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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