Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
