my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?