ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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